she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
