dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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