party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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