Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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