You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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