dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
