just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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