Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
