You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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