I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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