Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
