what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
