my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
