i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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