Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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