I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want nice things and good sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
