Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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