drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
