exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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