She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
