I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sober January is a disaster.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
