one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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