They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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