My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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