I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think your dad took our porno
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
