I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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