The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
