Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
