I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
