i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
