I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize