dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize