I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
