he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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