I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There are leaves in my underwear?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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