I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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