I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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