we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize