im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
