end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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