You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
