There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
