I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
