i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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