he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
