Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
