I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
false alarm, still single
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
