An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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