Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
