I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
