just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize