Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
