he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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