Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
