Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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