apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize