He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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