no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
