Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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