Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
