walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
