booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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