Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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