Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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