That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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