Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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