I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Bring me that man meat
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize