Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
