eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
