Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize