how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize