Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
