he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
