I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
