too bad you live with your parents still
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
