so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
