I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
