he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
