I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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