it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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