Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
