just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize