we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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