The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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